Working Dog Humour 2

DOG RULES  (Author Suzy Becker)

The dog is not allowed in the house.

Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.

The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.

The dog can get on the old furniture only.

Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.

Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.

The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.

The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only

The dog can sleep under the covers every night.

Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

Top 10 Reasons why K9 Candidates don't make it as Detection Dogs (Author Chomi Ohoyo)

Arson Dogs -- couldn't get the dog fired up.

Water Search Dogs -- dog was in over his head.

Airport Detection Dogs -- dog was too flighty.

Drug Detection Dogs -- dog wouldn't inhale.

Currency Detection Dogs -- the dog was a poor candidate.

Agricultural Products Det. Dogs -- dog had no taste for the work.

Wildlife Detection Dogs -- dog was just winging it.

Explosives Detection Dogs -- dog kept blowing it.

Termite Detection Dogs -- dog bugged me too much.

Gypsy Moth Detection Dogs -- dog's mind kept wandering.

Stupid but true questions asked of dog handlers!!

"My Doberman is two years old. Is is true that they turn on their masters when they turn three?"

"I heard that Shepherds turn on their masters when they are 6 years old."

" How old are Rotts when they turn on their masters?"

Answer to all is ~ "We have had hundreds of Dogs, ... the reason they don't turn on us, is because we never tell them how old they are."

"How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?"

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler: Make me.

Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .

Labrador: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeeky toys in the dark.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Irish Wolfhound: Can somebody else do it? I've got this hangover....

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there........

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs, I am not one of THEM, so the question is, how

long will it be before I can expect my light?

Hound: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz